The Rebuild Series

“The destruction and rebuilding of a home but not the physical kind. When my minds rumination in times of hardship has taken over and blurred the physical world through my lens I always envisioned the ruminating thoughts as cyclones. The more air I give to them, the quicker they would spin and then those storms would take over. In the spirals of my mind, the day to day routines became just motions. My physical body was there while my mind was replaying moments that haunted me again and again.

So long of letting myself stay haunted by this emotional meteorological experience, I worked to let the storms dissipate. But as my emotional body and physical reunited and I finally came back to being present in the moments daily, I had come to see the haunting left me feeling unhoused. Those cyclones destroyed more than my ability to be present. They had ripped to shreds the home I had spent a life time building within myself. I had no idea how to see myself as someone to love, see my body in a light it can be adored, or see my life as something I experience and not something that just happens to me. My safe home was uprooted and I was emotionally exposed finding only self hatred for every inch of my body, my mind, and my soul.

After years in the exposure, it was time to stop letting life just happen. I decided to look at the loss of my original safe internal home as a sign that it wasn't as strong as I once thought. I can now work to build something new. Something strong enough to withstand the winds of life's inevitable pushes and shoves. A home that can house love for every inch of myself and it can never be destroyed again. Maybe damaged, yes because life isn't so clear cut as to say I'll never let the storms effect me again. But with strong bones I'll be able to repair time and time again. And hopefully I'll never get so lost again.”

This series showcases the process of the rebuild. By featuring moments real and imagined, I'm paying tribute to the moments I've lost, could have lost, and still could loose if the cyclones ever take over again. By paying tribute to those moments, I've been able to rebuild my internal home and understand what unconditional self love really feels and looks like. Each piece of this series is birthed from a selection of free writing from over the years both while lost in the cyclones and during the rebuild after finally leaving them.

‘Glances Between Lost Eyes’ AND ‘A Shitty Narrative’ are now available for purchase both original works and prints through Ruinous Revived.